
“A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.” — A sentiment that speaks deeply to the concept of the Anam Cara, or "soul friend." In Celtic tradition, the Anam Cara is more than just a companion; it is someone who helps another see their true self, even as life transitions into its final stage.
In recent years, Anam Cara work has gained attention in end-of-life care as people seek more compassionate, meaningful ways to support the dying. This blog explores how Anam Cara work is associated with the dying, offering guidance on how this ancient practice can transform the experience of death for both the dying person and their loved ones.

1. What is Anam Cara?
The term Anam Cara originates from ancient Celtic spirituality, where "Anam" means "soul" and "Cara" means "friend." It describes a relationship of deep empathy, where individuals feel connected at a soul level. This kind of friendship transcends the ordinary; it’s about fully accepting and understanding each other. The Anam Cara bond is often seen as a form of spiritual kinship that nourishes the soul and enriches one's journey through life—and death.
John O'Donohue, an Irish poet and philosopher, reintroduced the term in his book Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom. In it, he describes the Anam Cara as the person who helps you face and embrace your authentic self, a connection that offers comfort, peace, and self-acceptance, especially when dealing with life’s transitions, including death.
2. The Role of Anam Cara in End-of-Life Care
When it comes to the dying, an Anam Cara acts as a guide and a source of profound comfort. This support is unique and profoundly meaningful, focusing on emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even existential needs. Here are some core ways Anam Cara work aids those nearing the end of life:
A Sacred Space for Emotions: An Anam Cara holds a non-judgmental space where the dying can freely express their fears, regrets, and unresolved feelings. According to the Handbook of Thanatology (the study of death and dying), one of the most healing aspects of end-of-life care is having someone to talk to about one's fears and hopes. Anam Cara* offers this in a way that feels profoundly personal and safe.
Facilitating a Life Review and Acceptance: Reflecting on one’s life can bring a sense of resolution, healing, and peace. An Anam Cara gently helps the dying person recount cherished memories, express regrets, or even make amends. This life review process, as supported by psychological studies on palliative care, allows the individual to find closure, self-forgiveness, and sometimes even discover new meaning in their life story .
Companionship: The dying journey is often an intensely spiritual one, where individuals may grapple with questions about the meaning of life, death, and what lies beyond. For those who find comfort in a spiritual framework, an Anam Cara helps support and nourish their beliefs. Even if the person doesn’t hold specific beliefs, the Anam Cara’s compassionate presence can create a sense of peace and acceptance.
3. Practical Ways to Be an Anam Cara for the Dying
Being an Anam Cara to someone nearing the end of their life doesn’t require formal training but rather empathy, presence, and openness. Here are some ways to embody the role of an Anam Cara:
Listen Deeply Without Judgment: This includes not only listening to words but also to emotions and silences. Practice active listening by holding eye contact, offering gentle affirmations, and avoiding interruptions. The Anam Cara listens not to respond, but to understand.
Respect Silence and Create Presence: Sometimes, the most profound connection comes in moments of silence. By simply being there, an Anam Cara provides companionship that speaks to the soul. As palliative care expert Dr. Ira Byock emphasizes, sometimes the quiet presence of a caring person can be more comforting than words .
Engagement or Practices that Bring Comfort: This might mean offering a prayer, reading a poem, or bringing in objects that bring peace to the dying person. Rituals, even simple ones like lighting a candle or sharing a blessing, can create a comforting sense of sacred space.
Acknowledge and Affirm the Dying Person's Legacy: Remind the individual of the positive impact they’ve had on others. Talk about memories that highlight their unique qualities. This can be deeply reassuring and helps the person feel that their life has had meaning and significance.
4. The Enduring Impact of Anam Cara Work
At its core, Anam Cara work invites us to view death not with fear but with a deep respect for the journey of the soul. Whether you're a friend, family member, or caregiver, embodying the role of an Anam Cara can be transformative, creating a sense of peace, dignity, and soulful connection for the dying person. In a society that often distances itself from death, Anam Cara reminds us that we are all deeply connected, even in our final moments.
By embracing the principles of Anam Cara work, we offer a profound gift to the dying: a companion who will walk beside them to the threshold, bringing comfort and love as they prepare to journey on.
Being an end-of-life doula, I integrate Anam Cara principles into my work because I consider that providing support and establishing connections at a spiritual level are crucial elements of the end-of-life journey. This approach brings considerable solace and insight to individuals as they reflect on their past life and contemplate what lies ahead.
References:
Handbook of Thanatology, 2nd ed., Association for Death Education and Counseling, 2013.
Meaning-Centered Psychotherapy in the Oncology Setting by William Breitbart and Shannon R. Poppito, published in 2014.
The Four Things That Matter Most by Dr. Ira Byock, 2004.
Comments